Diane Salisbury
Counselling and Therapy in North London and Kent
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Addiction - 'Whatever it is I am looking for I will not find it here'

Addiction – ‘Whatever it is I am looking for I will not find it here’

The realization that ‘whatever it is I am looking for I will not find it here’ can be a turning point in addictions. Realising that behaviour will not bring you want you desire can be the beginning of being free form that behaviour.

Addicts of all kinds often find themselves asking questions like, why do I do this, why can’t I stop. Searching for the answer can in itself be a distraction and even hold back the individual with thinking, when I know what it is I need/ want then this behaviour will ‘disappear’ – this is the hope that can be held. So much time and attention can be put into why?

However taking a step back from this and allowing the not knowing, allowing the I don’t k now why I do this but I know it’s not making me happy can take some of the pressure off.

Holding the ‘I don’t know what it is I am looking for but I know I won’t find it here’. Can give way to

new and different choices, for some just the notion of having a choice can be the beginning of transformation.

There is no one size fits all when it comes to tackling addiction, what works for someone may not work for another. Which can be really hard when all an individual may want is to find the ‘answer’ the one thing that will bring an end to the addiction, be it an addiction to a substance, a behaviour or a person.    

Realising that there is no one answer can be very difficult, but it also means that within your individual journey there will be your own answers and discoveries. Some of these will be similar to others experiences and along the way you may gather many stories, experiences and insights that resonate with you. But not two journeys will be the same.

Often with addiction there can a sense of searching for something of needing something. That can be played out it the need for the addicted behaviour. Often unconsciously at first, however if the addictive behaviour becomes conscious, so does this, often unidentifiable, need.

Addicts can often be aware of a void but unaware as to where that void or need comes from and what is needed to ‘fill ‘it. As the addict may want to ‘fix’ themselves it can be very easy for them to get caught up in what needs to happen to make them better, fixed or whole.

However this implies that they are broken, whereas letting yourself be with the idea of I don’t know what it is that I need but I won’t find it here (in the addictive behaviour) recognises the longing and the struggle without shaming or blaming. It a though that open up to unknown possibilities, to what if’s? What if I didn’t take that drink, that piece of cake. What it I didn’t make myself sick, what if I didn’t place that bet, What if I didn’t enter into this relationship ect. 

Entering into the unknown can be scary and addictions can be very much part of an individual’s identity, but a what if can sometimes take the pressure off. 

Don’t get me wrong I am not saying that hold the thought or coming to the realisation of Whatever it is I am looking for I am not going to find it here. Is not going to resonate with everyone and its not going to alleviate an addiction overnight, however it just might open up a different possibility.